Your home is a training ground. For what specifically? For obedience? No. For relationship.
Yes, some of the relationships I have described will ask them to fulfill a number of request. However, their decision to comply will come out of a place of respect and/ or love for the other person, not out of a place of fear of punishment.
So does this mean you stop asking your children to do things around the house? Heavens no! Because when we ask them to do a chore or a 'favor' we are showing them our hearts. We are revealing to them what is important to us and giving them an opportunity to reject it or respect it. If they respect it, our relationship will grow. If they reject it there might be some side effects to not heeding our request. For example, 'spit the gum out before nap' -request ignored -gum gets stuck in hair -hair must be cut. Or 'be home by nine' -they are late -trust is broken -can not go to overnights until the trust is regained.
Giving them the freedom to control themselves gives them the opportunity to learn how to manage themselves in the day to day decisions as well as in relationships. Relationships is big picture stuff. When we keep our eyes on the big picture we can stop sweating the little things. Let me explain with a story.
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| Before |
After Christmas I went through my children's dresser drawers and sorted out the clothes that no longer fit them anymore, organized and folded the clothes neatly allowing the drawers to actually close! Two days later I walked into my son Aiden's room to give him some laundry to put away, and what did I find? Clothes cascading down the drawers like a colorful waterfall on to the floor.
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| After |
Right in that moment, as I about to lose it, God spoke to my heart and reminded me of a teenaged girl who, when her mother asked her to put her clothes away, would stuff them into the bottom of her closet. After twenty plus grueling years of training she grew out of the habit when she valued her relationship with her husband enough to keep their closet in order. Aiden was six and still in training. I will continue to train him in a loving and respectful way. My motivation is not to get him to finally obey me, but is purely for the sake of my future daughter-in-law's sanity!
When we focus our training on relationship instead of obedience the fruit is long-lasting. Obedience is a wearing and tiresome thing. If all God had to offer us was a dictatorship we would have given up on Him a long time ago. But God offered His CHILDREN a greater thing; a relationship that is ever evolving and deepening. From this places of relationship sprouts a desire in our hearts to please Him, to do the work of His heart, and to honor Him with the ins and outs of our daily lives.
What if we focused on giving our child a greater thing; a chance at relationship?
What if we focused on giving our child a greater thing; a chance at relationship?
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