Expectations.
What do you think of when you hear the word, Expectations? Expectations you may have for other people, maybe your spouse or children? A feeling of disappointment? Either someone didn't meet your expectations, or you didn't meet your own expectations, and you feel like a failure as a result. Do you have expectations? Who gave them to you? Are they spoken or unspoken? To lofty? Or too low, of someone else because they hurt you or let you down before?
Expectations can be like a bomb that goes of in the middle of the day and if we allow it to, it can ruin the rest of the day. Or have you ever felt like you were running through a land-field of A.A.E Bombs (approval addiction & expectation) going off all around you? And man alive you just can't make anyone happy!
We need to be careful, or one day you yourself will blow up. But, how do we navigate through these landmines? The answer is we need to put first things, first. Philippians 1:9-10 says
And this I pray: that your love may abound yet more and more and extend to its fullest development in knowledge and all keen insight [that your love may display itself in greater depth of acquaintance and more comprehensive discernment],
So that you may surely learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is excellent and of real value [recognizing the highest and the best, and distinguishing the moral differences], and that you may be untainted and pure and unerring and blameless [so that with hearts sincere and certain and unsullied, you may approach] the day of Christ [not stumbling nor causing others to stumble].
First, we should be provoked by love, not approval. We do things because we love them, or are called to love them. NOT TO MAKE THEM LIKE US!!! Then pray for God to show us what is vital. Not measured by earthly standards, but by His kingdoms standards. Digging into your Bible and having continual conversations with God will take you a long way in this step. Lastly, if you are doing anything out of a place of guilt, or anxiety it will have little to no lasting fruit. So either stop doing it, or wait until peace comes into the situation then move on it.
For an example as a blog writer I am sure you the reader have natural exceptions of me. You have the expectation that I wouldn't just end my thoughts right here...............
and leave you guessing. But we writers can fall into a trap of being identified by our writing and not by who we are. I could be just a post that you read one day and then moved on with your life never to think about me again. Consumed today and gone tomorrow, but this is not who I am. I am more faceted than this. I am made in the Creator's image. And so are you.
You are more than a menial task that needs to get done. You are worth more than what you do, cook, clean, or maintain. You are more than a work horse. You were not created to be merely consumed. You are a Son or Daughter of the most high God! You are worth having relationship with. You are worth looking in the face. You are worth the commitment of energy and time. And so are the people in your life.
And life, has plans of it's own. Things happen that are beyond our control, and way out of the parameters of our exceptions. Like a tornado in the beginning of fall, your husband throwing his back out, or your house finally selling. Life just happens. How are you going to respond? Are you going to ignore it, and pretend it isn't happening? Push back on it, and say nope not today! Or live it, interact with it, choose to enjoy it, or even learn from it?
Remember you can not thwart the will of God in your life. If it's important it will happen. As long as you are not being idol (idleness and rest are different) all the things will get done. Dishes, laundry, sweeping the floor, or writing those blog posts that are nagging at you from the back of your head.
But before all of this, I beg you, put people first. Have that coffee with someone. Take a lunch. Stop to chat with the neighbor. Go on a date with your spouse, or even better yet, take the vacation you have been putting off for the past few years. Seize the moments you have with people because unlike those dishes they are like a vapor, and don't last forever.
Below is a piece I wrote called People 1st, Things 2nd. I hope that it encourages and inspires you especially coming into the Holiday seasons.
After I became a mom, my type A personality took a major beating. This all had to do with the fact that unlike my daily to do list, my children were and still are unpredictable. Their attitudes, emotions, likes and dislikes, eating habits, sleeping habits the list could go on forever. My perfectionist ways were stretched and tested in this area for several years. Until, one day I was visiting with a friend of mine and she shared a story with me that changes my perspective.
Her story was about a time when she had coffee with another mom that she really looked up to. During their visit the mother had several interruptions by her children needing her assistance. My friend, growing annoyed herself, asked the mother, “How can you stay so calm and sweet? If my kids kept interrupting me I would become irritated.” The mother said to my friend, “Let me ask you a question. Let’s say you were at work, ticking away at your daily docket and your boss walked into your office and said to you, listen, I need you to put aside what you are working on, and address this crucial matter right away. What would you say to your boss?” My friend answered simply, “I would say, yes sir, and start to work on it immediately!” The mother asked her, “Would you get mad about it?” My friend said, “Of course not I trust my boss' judgement on what is most important for our company.” The mother then replied with, “Well you see being a mom is the job that God has given me in this season of my life. He is my boss and my children are my work. I do not get mad, because I trust that God is directing me in my daily encounters with my children for the optimal potential for growth. If I don’t do my job as God directs me, then I haven’t done my job well. Even though the situation at hand might not look that important to me it is to my "clients", my children. If I don’t invest in them they may stop coming to me for advice, wisdom and guidance, and I will soon be out of a job.”
This perspective had a huge impact on me and shortly after hearing it I adopted a new motto into our family. The motto is; People 1st, Things 2nd. The basic idea of it is exactly as it sounds. We have committed ourselves to valuing people before things. I have chosen, to make myself available to invest in my kids, in people, in things that are eternal before I invest in things or in stuff that does not last. I had come to a point in losing my life as I knew it, so I could find it. (Matt. 10:39) In this, I had to be careful not to make my children my life, but rather to make my life about pointing my children to the Lord. After I made this commitment in my daily life and walked it out ungracefully for some time. God spoke to my heart and He showed me He was so pleased with my little yes. He was pleased with my determination to be obedient even though I faltered and through all the missteps along the way. I knew that because of my faithfulness in this little thing, He was going to give me more. (Luke 16:10)
When I chose to be Flexible, God was finally able to use me to make an impact for His Kingdom. Are you ready to be flexible to make yourself available? Starting with your kids is an awesome training ground. Pray with me today. Lord, turn my heart towards my children and help me see on a daily basis how I can go to them and make them disciples after your heart!
Some awesome resources!
Foundation of Character: Bearing Good Fruit enables busy families to build Godly character as they learn about and obtain the Fruits of the Spirit. Providing them with a home and a life filled with Love, Joy, and Peace.
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