The word fail is constantly streaming across the social media bracket be it Facebook, Twitter, or whole channels dedicated to it on Youtube. Some of them we laugh at and some we roll our eyes at and post OMG. But the truth is there is one type of fail that haunts us mamas. The Mom Fail.
Outwardly we downplay it jokingly in conversation, but inwardly it is a real struggle. I do not know of a single mom that has never felt inadequate at one time or another. "Am I letting my child watch too much TV?" "Am I letting them use the tablet too much?" "I didn't have dinner done in time." "My house is always messy." "I hate laundry." "My daughter should be potty trained by now."
It is because we are trying to measure ourselves to an unattainable social standard. We bend over backwards and lose our tempers with the ones we love the most. Why? In order to meet an ideal painted by a picture in a magazine, or a television show, or those women that you think have it all together. I go into more detail on this in Making a House vs. Making A Home
However, what I want to focus on today is how do we break free from the chains of feeling like we are failing our families?
First, we need to revisit what we believe to be truth and discern if it really is truth. Sit down with your spouse to read and discuss Philippians 1:9-10 And this I pray: that your love may abound yet more and more and extend to its fullest development in knowledge and all keen insight (that your love may display itself in greater depth of acquaintance and more comprehensive discernment) So that you may surely learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is excellent and of real value (recognizing the highest and the best, and distinguishing the moral difference) and that you may be untainted and pure and unerring and blameless (so that with hearts sincere and certain and unsullied, you may approach) the day of Christ (not stumbling nor causing others to stumble).
We need to figure out what is of value and vital for our own family unit.
Second, we need to make a choice to internationally own our own lives, it is ours to live and manage. Are you going to chose a life you like and enjoy over a life of performance? In my eleven years of parenting I have gone from a perfectionist to a realist to an opportunist. I drove myself crazy trying to meet other people's standards. Then I got real and realized my house doesn't need to look like the Martha Stewart's show. After embracing this revelation I changed from a life of schedules to a life of order and opportunities. Opportunities to clean my house, keep up with laundry, celebrate, play, rest, and enjoy my life. I looked to Hebrews 4:16 to ground me. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy (for our failures) and find grace to help in good time for every need (appropriated help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.) I found that the things that are important and vital will always be taken care of in their own timing because God cares for me affectionately. (1 Peter 5:7) No one family looks like another, so each family should and does function differently. It is time that each family set its own standard that works for them and be okay with it.
Third, we need to be flexible. Your family is always changing in either it's size, age, needs, and sometimes location. Change means you cannot keep doing things the way you always have before. You will need to re-evaluate what works and what doesn't, and then adjust. Some posts that might help in these times are: When Seasons Change and Find Out Who Your Real Friends Are.
I want to leave you with one very important thing. Do not give up! Do not therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. Hebrews 10:35 You are doing an amazing things in raising your children and if you stay firm in your leaning on the Lord you will receive a great reward. Remember, The only way you can really fail is by quitting.
Second, we need to make a choice to internationally own our own lives, it is ours to live and manage. Are you going to chose a life you like and enjoy over a life of performance? In my eleven years of parenting I have gone from a perfectionist to a realist to an opportunist. I drove myself crazy trying to meet other people's standards. Then I got real and realized my house doesn't need to look like the Martha Stewart's show. After embracing this revelation I changed from a life of schedules to a life of order and opportunities. Opportunities to clean my house, keep up with laundry, celebrate, play, rest, and enjoy my life. I looked to Hebrews 4:16 to ground me. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy (for our failures) and find grace to help in good time for every need (appropriated help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.) I found that the things that are important and vital will always be taken care of in their own timing because God cares for me affectionately. (1 Peter 5:7) No one family looks like another, so each family should and does function differently. It is time that each family set its own standard that works for them and be okay with it.
I want to leave you with one very important thing. Do not give up! Do not therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. Hebrews 10:35 You are doing an amazing things in raising your children and if you stay firm in your leaning on the Lord you will receive a great reward. Remember, The only way you can really fail is by quitting.
What is a standard you have for your family that was set by someoneles? Here is your chance to be the manager of your own life and enjoy it. I dare you ; )
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