Out Of Control

We, as a society, are either trying to control everything and everyone around us, or we are being steamed rolled, and controlled by every new thing that upsets the status quo. We are living in a constant game of tug of war! No wonder we are a stressed out, fearful, anxious, intense, competitive, depressed and angry generation. We are out of control.

I was a control freak! I equated having control with happiness and being worthy of love. I was not happy or valuable unless; the house was clean, my to do list boxes were checked, the day's schedule stayed on schedule, and everyone around me did what I asked them to do without me asking them more than once. I was entangled in the chains of perfectionism, unable to move on with anything else in my life unless everything I was currently doing was perfect first. It wasn’t until I became a mom that I recognized my chains. It was as if God gave me children to free me from my self inflicted captivity. Although, I didn’t look at it in that way at the beginning. It took a complete breakdown for me to realize my state of being. However, I did finally learn the secrets of what self-control is and what it is not.

During the fifth week of Foundation Of Character I share with the children a simple definition of what self control is. Self-Control Is; Choosing to be in charge of your own actions, mouth, and emotions.

Self-control is not controlling others but rather giving them freedom of choice, even freedom to fail. Bottom line the only person you can control is yourself. And no one can have control over you unless you give it to them. Controlling relationships, in time, will inevitably become either super unhealthy or non-existent. Healthy relationships consist of sharing truth, wisdom, experience and knowledge. Then letting the other person know, when it all comes down to making a choice it is completely up to them, and whatever they choose the love you have for them will not change. Pair this idea with parenthood, and you will get arguments from all ends of the spectrum. The biggest argument is; a child has to learn obedience. True, but there are two ways to get it. Control, will give you obedience in front of your face all day long, but once you are not present they will chose whatever they want. Relationship and respect, will give you their hearts. When they are away from you they will chose rightly because they love you. Do you want their obedience or do you want their hearts?

Self-control is not being reactive it is being proactive. Instead of being pushed over the edge by my children’s whim of the day. I had to predetermine how I was going to respond to their childlike antics. This meant reminding myself that they are, in fact, children, and decide to respond in love in every situation no matter what they threw at me. What does that look like? 1 Corinthians 13. But to sum it up in a sentence I had to learn to manage myself well so I could love well.

Self-control is not something we have to muster up on our own. Praise God that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Yep that’s right it is ok if I have a ‘moment’ because I am human and self-control is not a human characteristic, it is a Godly characteristic. That being said, I am still responsible for my choices. Take note I said choices, not my humanness. I have a choice to ask for the Lord's for help or not. If I choose not to, things will never get better, and I will continue to dread my life. But, if I choose to ask the Lord for help in my life, in my parenting, He will respond with filling me with the Holy Spirit. Producing, a stream of; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentle, faithfulness, and you guessed it self-control flowing through my life. When I hand myself over to the Lord in this way I will not have to worry anymore about having a handle on everything, but rather stand in the grace of the promise that God will hold fast to me, and complete the work He started in me.

Are you ready to ask for help?

Some awesome resources!